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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Housemates. Sharehouses. And the everlasting.

None of these items belong to me. Gag.

15.01.10 This post has been edited to reflect my (late) New Year's resolution. This year I refuse to spend time with, or pretend to be nice to, people I blatantly cannot stand. So, I've taken a few words from this post, mainly the sugar coating I gave to original story so as not to upset my departing housemate. So perhaps her friends might consider ceasing with the profanity filled comments that I will not publish. This is what I really think.

My housemate moved out today. Well, one of them, there are three of us. Some of you may be familiar with the girls that live at my house (and will remain unnamed) from my tweets. Or previous blog posts.

I'll miss her. She's a good mate. She is also only moving to the house next door, so I don't think I'll miss her too much. But I won't miss some things... and before I have even typed these words I am sure that I am going to get into a lot of trouble... but oh well, never let friends get in the way of a good yarn.

Lets cut a long story short here. They can't cook. Not such a big deal, I hear you say. Well, we don't have to share food. But we share the fridge. Please note photograph above. All of these items (you may recognise one of them as old pizza) were in the fridge weeks. They were in the fridge for so long, that after this picture was taken they grew mold.

Oh yes. I put them back in the fridge after taking this photograph - even though I wanted my Tupperware back. Because I flatly refuse to be responsible for dealing with other peoples leftovers.

It's a conundrum, as I also don't tolerate mold in my fridge (understandable I'd think). We walk a fine line in this house.

That's the thing about shared houses. Pans aren't cleaned properly. Food is left to rot in the bottom of the fridge, carrots and tomatoes growing mold and roll about like long lost lovers, getting closer and closer until they become one. Enormous containers with one mouthful of food inside are left in the fridge for weeks. Maybe months.

It amazes me (as I think everyone is as obsessed with food as I) the little people my age (20s, nearly 30s, but we won't talk about that) know about cooking.

I once lived with this guy in South Melbourne who ate fish finger sandwiches with tomato sauce twice a week. On the other nights he ate pizza or cocktail frankfurts mixed in with two minute noodles. He was disgustingly fat and frequently brought home the skankiest girls you could imagine (the words heroin addict spring to mind) because this was all he could get. In reflection, if someone told me that he had hidden cameras in the bathroom I wouldn't be surprised. But I would be horrified and calling the police.

And for a while I lived with a guy in Brunswick who was a diabetic. I'd think that someone with diabetes would make an effort to look after their health, but I never saw him eat anything that wasn't 80 per cent white flour and or fried. And his bedroom stank, I could smell it from the back yard. No surprises, I moved out pretty fast.

But bad sharehouse food manners are in no way limited to boys. Or men, as the two previous cases claimed to be. Certain female housemates will happily let one ingredient rot, while buying a new one and sitting it alongside in fridge, and also may be under the delusion that leek cooked in white sauce on toast is a nutritious meal.

Certain housemates also need to know that when cooking a stir-fry that cashew nuts do not go in first, potatoes cooked at rapid boil for 30 minutes are not a good idea and that bacon takes longer to cook than an egg.

Other gripes: milk does not keep well when left on bench, tea bags do not belong in sink, rubbish bins should be emptied when full, recycling does not magically disappear and someone does in fact put it out on the street on the required day (Wednesday, if you are reading this housemates).

It's no secret, but I really should be living alone.


Jess said...

My EXACT sentiments. Although, I think I would be lost without a couple of men, who you know of, in my life.
Ah, feel the love.

steve said...

In the share houses I found myself in over the years I always employed the same strategy to overcome all major & petty grievences that I encountered & that was this:
After a particulary heavy night on the suds + spicy food, my delicate stomach would start to ferment & I would back into their rooms(when they were out) & like a dumpster, unload putrid flatus with metronomic regularity until the room smelled like Roturua on a windless day. Still makes me snigger!

Victor said...

Urh Yuk, Steve! You are so disgusting! If that doesn't do the trick, I don't know what does. LOL!
N - not easy to find the right housemate. Esp having to share the kitchen. Maybe get a 1-bedroom house or apt.

Daniel said...

The missus and I have continual debates on when food should be thrown out. She always feels that I throw food out too early and I think she keeps it for too long.

But despite our lack of agreement on timing, we haven't reached the stage of your sharehouse fridge.

Anonymous said...

Once in a share house, a new housemate who moved in cooked porrige every morning for a week, and then left the saucepan on the kitchen bench. Every morning. Didn't wash up, didn't even put water in the saucepan. New saucepan used every morning, and when he ran out of saucepans, he moved out. (took about a week - we were well supplied with cooking utensils).

Anonymous said...

like most, i have lived with some shocking housemates. but when it comes to the crunch i dont see myself as any better or feel that im any easier to live with.

the thing that intrigues me about this blog is not the article itself, but the childish antics that it displays (maybe you should have left out the fact you were nearly thirty)... i would be quite interested to find out why your housemate moved out? have you always been this critical?

as you said, you really should be living alone...
but when it happens, will it be out of choice? or because nobody wants to live with your critical ways? i wonder?? your so called "good mate" that moved out obviously couldnt...

Maggie said...

Hi Anon,

Thank you for your honesty.

In regards to my childsih antics, I generally keep them to myself (or at least attempt to). Sharehouses, you know what they are like, and while this story is fun for the blog, it's no where near as much fun when translated into a screaming argument between housemates. So no, I have never told either of them how I feel about the rotting leftovers.

Absolutely, I should be living by myself. I am nearly 30 (eep!) but it's not financially possible. But I am working towards it.

And for the record, she moved out because a friend of hers offered her an equivalent, but cheaper, version of the same bedroom close by. As far as I am aware, she did not move out to get away from me. Although you never know...

Anonymous said...


i once lived with a girl who would only wash up her own dishes. she'd pick thru the pots and plates, even cutlery, and wash only what she'd used and leave the rest on the bench.
that's prety lame if u ask me, dont you think! it is a sharehouse afterall!