Like my previous column on bad customer behaviour, the purpose if this column is to have a gigantic whinge. All that pent up anger and frustration can't be good for me, so I've decided to get it all out.
I'm home and bored on a Friday night, feeling a little ill. I thought I'd make the most of being sober at this time of day/week to entertain you all with more of my incessant ranting. Enjoy.
The top 15 things that customer service staff (waiters, sales people, bartenders etc) do that piss me off:
1. Forgetting my order. I feel so unloved. Especially when I am in a group, and everyone else gets their meal/ drink/ whatever, except for me.
2. Don't ignore me. Customer evasion, not the way to go. Don't pretend you don't see me. Unless I am waving, clicking whistling to get your attention. Just acknowledge my existence, and I'll be patient until you come to serve me.
3. Don't have a conversation with another member of staff while you are taking my order. I have wanted to walk off in the middle of many purchases.
4. Pet names. Sometimes, there is such a thing as over familiarly. I loathe being called baby/sweetie/ darling by anyone I am not sleeping with. And even then it's a stretch.
5. Obviously the customer is not always right. Neither is the service staff. Don't pretend you know the answer to my question when you clearly have no idea, go and find out.
6. Overzealousness. Clearing before all people finish breaks a massive service rule. Sure, it’s a little old school, but unless I'm at McDonalds… you get the picture.
7. Overzealousness.2. Taking away something I am not finished eating drinking. A waiter who is prising a half full latte glass from my iron grip is not my friend.
8. Crankiness never goes down well. Although lately when I encounter rude wait staff I see it as a personal challenge as to who can be ruder. I'm not setting a good example, I apologise.
9. Don't act as if a glass of water is a problem. I know it's free, but it is a pretty simple request. There is a good chance I am buying something else in your establishment.
10. Value judgments. So what I have a sudden craving for a vodka Red Bull? Don't look down your nose; you don't have to drink it. If we were all drinking gin from a bathtub we would be living with prohibition. It's 2009. Not everyone wants a classic anymore.
11. Back of house problems should never make it to the front of house. Bickering waiters make everyone uncomfortable. I am not in your establishment to resolve your in house politics.
12. Inappropriate clothing. Fine if there is no uniform, but don't put your boobs in my face. If you want to get your tits out go work at Hooters.
13. Money is dirty. Touching money, then grabbing food with fingers is filthy. Use tongs, they are there for a reason. It is a legal reason.
14. At the end of the night, slamming chairs and tables up around remaining customers is uncalled for. We get the picture. You are closing. The time allowed before this is acceptable is proportionate to the menu prices.
15. There is nothing worse than a waiter who reeks of booze. Go home and shower, put on some clean clothes, and try to get a little sleep before work.
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